If you take a 3 year old to a restaurant,
she's going to want crayons and paper.
She'll drop the crayons on the floor at least 5 times
so you have no time to look at the menu for yourself.
She's going to order grilled cheese.
When you tell her that the restaurant doesn't have grilled cheese,
she'll start crying so you'll have to calm her down
by telling her that they do have chicken fingers
and fries. She'll smile and wipe away her tears.
Then, she'll notice the cherry in your shirley temple
and want it for herself.
You'll look for a spoon to fetch the cherry and then
the waiter will arrive with your food.
The 3 year old will start crying again, and you'll
have to remove the little cup of ketchup from her plate.
She'll do her best to eat the fries and ignore the chicken fingers
until you start eating the chicken fingers yourself.
She'll decide she wants them back, and then she'll
tell you that she has to go to the bathroom.
So, you'll help her up from the table, clasp her hand in yours,
and walk to the bathroom.
Waiting for an open stall will remind her that the last time
she ate at a restaurant, she was with Aunt A and Uncle M.
She'll tell you that when she ate there, she had to potty, and
after she went potty, she saw that Aunt A had big toes.
3 of them.
When a stall opens up, you'll usher her inside,
close the door, and she'll want you to help her sit on the potty
because it's so big. You'll help her and while she goes,
she'll want to know why one time she went to Aunt A's house
and took her little potty with her but we didn't bring it this time.
You'll have to explain to her that her little potty went to
Aunt A's house when she spent the night and that she
wouldn't be spending the night at the restaurant.
"Oh yes, I am!" she'll tell you.
Finally, when she's finished you can help her up, and
she'll draw your attention to how cute
her panties are. You'll smile and nod in agreement
while directing her to the sink to wash her hands.
She'll splatter soap and water all over you while she explains
how pretty she looks in the mirror. You'll agree with her
and hand her some paper towels to dry her hands.
On the way back to your table, she'll smile and wave
at everyone she passes by.
When she's settled back at her seat, she'll eat 2 more bites
of her chicken, finish her fries, and be ready to go.
You'll pay the bill and walk back to the car to head home.
On the way home, she'll decide that she's bored.
She'll ask you for some crayons and paper
and if she asks for crayons and paper,
she's going to want to eat at a restaurant too.